Have you ever been told that your pain was just in your head? That the debilitating headaches you're experiencing are normal? Imagine being Jenna Dunlay, whose persistent discomfort was dismissed time and again until she was finally diagnosed with a rare congenital disease. Jenna sat down with me to share her remarkable journey of self-advocacy within the medical system, her battle with chronic illness, and the power she found in finally naming her condition.
Jenna's story is one of resilience and self-trust. Ignored by the medical community, she embarked on a challenging journey towards diagnosis following an injury at the gym. Despite the initial shock of her diagnosis and the daunting prospect of brain surgery, Jenna found courage in her anger and frustration. She discovered an inner strength that allowed her to set boundaries, manage her emotions, and stand up for her needs.
Navigating through the complexity of the American healthcare system, Jenna found solace in the support of her partner. She reveals the crucial role her partner played during this difficult time and the importance of compassionate listening and self-care. This inspiring conversation underscores the power of resilience when living with a chronic illness and the crucial role of self-advocacy. Jenna's story serves as a reminder to trust our instincts, especially when it comes to our health, and the significance of supporting others while prioritizing our own self-care. Join us for this candid and insightful conversation with Jenna Dunlay.
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Have you ever been told that your pain was just in your head? That the debilitating headaches you're experiencing are normal? Imagine being Jenna Dunlay, whose persistent discomfort was dismissed time and again until she was finally diagnosed with a rare congenital disease. Jenna sat down with me to share her remarkable journey of self-advocacy within the medical system, her battle with chronic illness, and the power she found in finally naming her condition.
Jenna's story is one of resilience and self-trust. Ignored by the medical community, she embarked on a challenging journey towards diagnosis following an injury at the gym. Despite the initial shock of her diagnosis and the daunting prospect of brain surgery, Jenna found courage in her anger and frustration. She discovered an inner strength that allowed her to set boundaries, manage her emotions, and stand up for her needs.
Navigating through the complexity of the American healthcare system, Jenna found solace in the support of her partner. She reveals the crucial role her partner played during this difficult time and the importance of compassionate listening and self-care. This inspiring conversation underscores the power of resilience when living with a chronic illness and the crucial role of self-advocacy. Jenna's story serves as a reminder to trust our instincts, especially when it comes to our health, and the significance of supporting others while prioritizing our own self-care. Join us for this candid and insightful conversation with Jenna Dunlay.
Are you loving this show? I’d be so grateful if you like, rate, review and share with a friend!
Catch the episode on Youtube to see photos and videos related to this story.
Want to spend more time with me? Join me in my 1:1 Coaching Container https://www.coachedbyjess.com/coaching
Explore more wellness conversations with me over on instagram @coached.byjess
Do you have a story that you would like to share on The Pivot Point? Apply now https://forms.gle/hxfmFb5RNJ7VBKQQ9
Welcome to the Pivot Point stories of courage, resilience and reinvention. I'm your host, jessica McGahn coach, producer and creative, whose mission is to normalize the human experience, ignite the soul and move you from feeling limited to limitless. Stories connect us and my hope is that within this series, you will find at least one story that resonates with you on a deeply personal level, one that speaks to your soul or your current situation, that will motivate you to keep moving forward, inspire you to make bold, brave choices in your own life and help you feel less alone in the process. In today's episode, I speak with my good friend, jenna Dunlite, about her experience in advocating for herself within the medical system after years of her headaches being dismissed as normal. In this episode, we explore multiple pivotal moments as Jenna takes us through the moment she was finally diagnosed with a rare congenital disease and how her eventual surgery shifted her perspective on life. This episode is all about finding your voice, learning to trust yourself and the importance of advocating.
Speaker 2:Jenna has never been shy about making the most of life. After losing her best friend to cancer right after college, she spent most of her 20s traveling the world and exploring all the wonderful, random things she loves most Adventure, theater, beer, animals and many new people myself, to name a few. After resettling in New York City, she found a job working full-time in the events industry. After her own health scare, she reignited her need to experience as much as possible in this lifetime and began to repursue her other passion, performing. She now lives in Jersey City, new Jersey, with her husband, mike Supermutt Pauley, and her newborn Callum. Please join me in welcoming Jenna to the podcast. Let's dive in. Jenna, I'm so excited to be having this conversation with you For those who are tuning in and listening. Jenna has played a really big part in my life. You played a pivotal role in one of my pivot points. It feels very exciting for me to have you here today.
Speaker 1:Thank you and vice versa. It's honestly, it's like a full circle moment, yeah. Well, those years ago, when we first connected, I agree it was a pivotal moment in my life as well. And now here we are getting to share different things with each other, so very cool yeah.
Speaker 2:Reconnecting after too many years, as we were saying even before we jumped on this recording. I cannot believe. When we hugged goodbye in Australia I can't remember where we were, like cans maybe yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:After the zoo, I think we hugged goodbye and I just remember being like I will meet this woman again. She is too important to me. And then life happens and we live in different countries and a pandemic happened and we're going to get into what happened in your life and the journey. So I'm just really excited, as an interviewer and as a friend, to hear what this journey has been like for you and I'm just grateful for your vulnerability and coming and joining me.
Speaker 1:Well, my pleasure, and I'm just happy to reconnect in any way. So I'll tell you anything you want to hear. You should ask the women.
Speaker 2:Fantastic. Well, Jenna, maybe you could start off by painting us a little bit of a picture of what your life looked like before the pivotal moment.
Speaker 1:So I would think that my life felt pretty average, pretty normal.
Speaker 1:I mean not average in that like I'm very fortunate that I got to travel the world and do some pretty fun things in my 20s. But I don't think I ever really knew that there was something different about me until my pivotal moment, or just maybe a year or two prior. And growing up I always had headaches and different like ailments and stuff. But I was always told like you're fine, whatever, move on, you're fine, go to school or stop complaining. You know, you're just in a bad mood, you know, whatever. So I learned to just accept all of that. So I really didn't think I was any different than anybody else. I just figured everybody was moody and had headaches and was kind of a bitch to their parents at times and all that right. So it wasn't until much later on when I found my voice and realized that maybe I am a little different and I have something else happening that's making life challenging and it shouldn't be this challenging that I, I guess, finally found like my voice and my reason for figuring out what was going on.
Speaker 2:Headaches. Man, like so many people have really bad headaches. I've seen it. So I'm really lucky I don't but they can be extremely debilitating and from what I'm hearing is you were kind of told to just kind of suck it up and deal with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I went to a neurologist when I was I believe I was like nine or 10. I remember I remember being in the office and hearing what she said to me, but not exactly the timing and it was basically like oh you're, you're brain still growing. You're just like it's just rubbing up against your skull a little bit. You're just smart, You're very smart, so your brain's too big for your head. And at the age of nine or 10, that sounds pretty awesome, Like wow, I'm really cool, I'm so smart, I'm like Jimmy Neutron, you know, like my head's just massive. But I learned later on, obviously, that that was wrong and that my parents probably should have found a different doctor, or maybe two or three, because headaches are common and I think that a lot of people do find them debilitating and don't think twice about it. But luckily for me, I finally started thinking twice. So here I am.
Speaker 2:And you like lived because I was a part of a small chapter of your life. Like you, lived an extraordinary life. You traveled the world. You were very much like this happy, go lucky gal with so much energy and joy and love to give to the world. And did you start to know that things were a little bit more serious than perhaps you were led to believe.
Speaker 1:I guess to backtrack a little bit like a lot of what I did in my 20s stemmed from losing a very close friend to cancer at 22. So I just graduated college. She was like my absolute best childhood friend and I kind of had to like take on this mantra of like that you only live once, right, like YOLO, like I totally embraced that from that point and I think that was also the catalyst for me thinking about my life in a different way, not just in terms of like now I'm an adrenaline junkie and I want to jump out of planes and I want to go to Australia and I want to do all these fun things. But when I got back to like the New York City area and I was trying to like settle back in and finally you know, normal life or whatever you want to call it not non backpacker lifestyle, if you will Maybe I don't have a steady income for once I then I finally realized like there's still something going on, there's still some part of me that feels different.
Speaker 1:And it was an injury at the gym that started like the whole journey to my diagnosis and it was very much like I've always been, especially from when my friend Melissa got sick early on. Somebody who was really diligent about going to doctors, like I went to my annual physical. I always went to my annual gynecologist appointment. You know I was in a hypochondriac that like went to urgent care every time I got a cold. But I took my health seriously from the beginning and I think I finally hit a point where I was like, okay, well, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm still hurting. All right, you know what? Screw it, I'm going to keep with my normal motto and go to the doctor. And to the doctor I got diagnosis. They sent me to physical therapy.
Speaker 1:It was through this physical therapy journey that the physical therapist was like I don't think you have an injury, I think you have a nerve issue. And then you need to go to this doctor to see what the nerve issue is like. And it just started to spiral. And she was kind of the reason why I started thinking about my health differently, because here I am just thinking like I sprained my ankle, but no, it's like I had a dead nerve in my ankle and the nerve came from back pain that I've always had, but the back pain was really coming from my upper spine and from my brain where I was having this congenital disease that I have, and I finally started thinking about my symptoms in a much different way, like, oh, it's not normal to have headaches every day.
Speaker 1:It's not normal to have dizzy spells and to have your husband catching you because you feel like you're falling on the ground all the time. It's not normal to lose feeling in your hands and not be able to open a water bottle, like I really didn't know. So I finally, I guess, started to advocate for myself differently because I had to, like, relearn that piece of like. You want to live so badly that you wanted to travel the world and do all these amazing things, but you can still live in like a standard nine to five job and have a family and all these things and take care of yourself. So that's a very long-winded answer to get back to this point. But it was literally just by chance that I had this like ankle injury at the gym, that two and a half years later, just like constant doctors and tests and things, that I landed at this diagnosis.
Speaker 2:Wow, so it was not even like maybe your medical practitioner, but your physical therapist. That was like something more is here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it started with, so it went from the ankle to the back that they thought maybe with sciatica, which is horrible sciatica sucks.
Speaker 2:It sucks right.
Speaker 1:So I went from one neurologist who was like you don't have sciatica, you have a small slip disc. Nothing you can do about it, like just suck it up. And then went back to physical therapy. She was like no, you still shouldn't be in this much pain from this tiny little slip disc. Like why don't you see a second opinion? Then I went into like nerve testing because they thought maybe I had multiple sclerosis or something like that that was causing the pain, that it wasn't in the sciatic nerve but somewhere else. No, that wasn't it. And they just kept working up the spine until finally one neurologist was like I ruled everything out in my power. You have to go to a neurosurgeon and they found what I have which is called cariomal formation, and he didn't want to do anything about it. The first guy what do you?
Speaker 2:mean? What do you?
Speaker 1:mean he didn't want to do anything about it.
Speaker 2:He was like you know what? No, I don't want to. What do you mean?
Speaker 1:Well, let me tell you something just about the American healthcare system. Go on, you didn't take my insurance. So I think that was really the big piece. He was doing this doctor a favor because it was a referral. So he was like wait a year. If it's still bothering you, we can talk then. Mind you, at this point I've dealt with this for 30 years. What's another year? But also, if that, what's another year, like I want to figure this out now. So that angered me and that immediately put me back into the neurologist's hands, was like, send me somewhere else, send me to another doctor, you trust, because this guy doesn't ask. So like, where else can I go? And then it took me two more neurosurgeons before I finally decided with who I was going to get my surgery. But the irony of all of it is that I never solved the sciatica problem. During all that I had to go to a different orthopedist who found that I had a tear in my hip.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, the punches keep on coming yeah.
Speaker 1:So I ended up having a small hip surgery prior to my brain surgery too, to alleviate that pain and the issues that it was causing with some of my nerves around that area too. It was a journey.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you know I'm sitting here and I'm looking at you and you're smiling as you're telling this story and, of course, in reflection and through your healing, I'm sure you can look back and have that smile because you've done the work to process. But at the time when you were having to constantly fight, to be seen, to be heard, to be not verified, to be validated in the pain that you're experiencing is not normal. What did it feel like, emotionally and mentally, to be having to advocate for yourself in that way during that time?
Speaker 1:I had to pull things out of me that I didn't even know existed. I've never been somebody who's been a good self-advocate. I've always struggled with like your self-confidence issues and stuff in general self-worth issues, all of that. So to finally have to like find my voice and not like cry when I tell somebody like please just listen to me, please just like help me. If you can like to find the strength to say no, you need to look again, or no, maybe you're not the right doctor and I need to keep going, was a real learning journey in itself. But in general, like the emotions kind of ran the spectrum. There were days where I was like I felt great almost because I knew that I was like trucking along and I was doing something good for me. And then there were days where I was having like massive panic attacks, locking myself in the bathroom and my husband like didn't know what to do. It was crazy, because there'd be days where you know I'd leave a doctor's office and they'd tell me something good right, like no, you don't have multiple sclerosis, which should make somebody happy. That's a horrible disease, to also have something that I know people have had and really struggle and instead of walking out with a smile on my face. I was pissed off. So I was like what do you mean? I still don't have a diagnosis. No, and I had to wait another month for the next appointment and then I had to spend another 600 bucks on another test for them to just probably tell me again it's not this or it's not that. So there's so much time that went on of just ruling things out. That was making me so frustrated.
Speaker 1:And when I actually got the diagnosis, I was like the chillest person, like if you think for a second how you would respond if a doctor is like you have this disease and the only way to kind of alleviate symptoms because no cure for it is to have brain surgery, if you think about like how you would react, I probably reacted the polar opposite. I was like, oh okay, because I was just happy to have an answer. And when I left the office that day and I called my husband to tell him what was going on, he was like silent on the other end and I was like why are you so quiet? Like I didn't think it was anything shocking in the same way that he did, because I was just like relieved, I guess, in a way. And then, obviously, eight days later and I started to spiral out of control. But in that initial moment of diagnosis it's just like oh my God, somebody figured this out Took 30 freaking years, but we have an answer and there's a potential solution.
Speaker 2:Like I was, thrilled in a way. Yeah, I can only imagine the relief you must have felt, but clearly, through the excitement of brain surgery that presents itself, I can only imagine the fear your fiance, or now husband, had at the time, because to him he immediately thinks of the severity of what you're entering into. But for you, you're focusing on the relief of oh my God, there's finally a solution to what I've been struggling with. A lot of the work that I do in coaching is about finding the right words and the labels to identify what we're experiencing in that moment. And when we can identify it and we can understand it, then we can start to process and move through it. And I think that's the same for kind of what you went through of. Once you were able to identify and name what the problem is, then you were able to start moving through the healing process, both physically and emotionally and mentally. Is that accurate?
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, like you nailed it. It was so much of like I hit that pivotal point because I finally got somewhat of an answer after almost two full years and like I think, six different doctors, four or five different MRIs, cat scans, all types of blood work, so it's this grueling thing, and then to finally hear those words like this is what you have, that was really like the turning point for me, because then I was able to find the process, because it wasn't the waiting around, it wasn't the questioning myself, it wasn't like even so much as going into debt. Overall. This like I spent thousands of pounds, thousands of dollars trying to figure out what was going on, to the point where I started to question like is this worth it?
Speaker 1:Should I pause? Like maybe it's nothing, like this is putting me in a hole. But I felt like I was finally able to come out of that because it doesn't matter. Now I have an answer, I'm moving forward, I can process it, I can do what I need to to plan for all the healing and all that. It's just I was like I felt like a different person. I had like a weight lifted off of me, at the same time also put on me in a way. But yeah, I was finally able to kind of heal even before the actual surgery happened, in a way.
Speaker 2:That's when it kind of started to happen. I guess that pivotal moment, would you say, because your story has multiple pivots in it, right, like, sometimes we have these pivotal moments where it's like this aha moment of, oh, I need to make a change in my life. But you, your pivotal moment was kind of thrust upon you. In your diagnosis it wasn't a choice, necessarily, but rather something that was happening in your life, and so let me know if I'm wrong. But, like, the first pivotal moment is kind of receiving that initial diagnosis of, oh, there's something going on neurologically, it's not just in my head, it's not just headaches, it's not just a sprain ankle, oh, something is really wrong, which led to the journey of figuring all of this out and processing Right. And then the next pivotal moment sounds like it was when you actually were able to name and label it. That's what shifted you into the next phase, which is like go time, like let's heal this, let's get rid of it and let's move forward in life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally yeah, you absolutely got it. I think both pivotal moments like changed me in different ways. I think the first pivotal moment gave me that relief that you mentioned and that hope, I guess too, and that I was finally like on the other side of it. And then the second pivotal moment, I finally, I think, just found my confidence and stuff Like like how I mentioned, like I, you know, I had never been someone who had a voice when it came to even self-advocation or anything like that. Finally I was able to put my foot down and say, no, this is what I need. This is why and it's either you're going to help me get there or I'm going to move beyond you and I you know I struggled with my family a lot.
Speaker 1:They didn't understand. You know, I'm telling my mom what was going on and I've never had to sit her down for conversation ever in my life. I sat both my parents down and it's like here's what's happening. I have this issue. I'm going to need brain surgery, it's going to be okay, and I remember she's boiling her eyes out and her first response was well, if it's taking you this long, why do you even need to bother with it? Why do you even need to have the surgery.
Speaker 1:And I think at that point I realized how much pent up anger I had too, because I also was now realizing that first neurological appointment I had at nine or 10 had the doctor just listened to me instead of whatever my parents were dishing out at them, just to get me out the door and to tell me that everything was fine. I could have had 20 years of my life be very, very different. So in a way, I was angry at them. I was angry at the world, honestly, because I felt like I missed out on things that I shouldn't have. I felt crappy for all these reasons and was being labeled irritable and moody and all these things, because I was in pain and nobody understood where I was coming from or why I was acting that way.
Speaker 1:So unleashing some of these feelings was also giving me this strength and this power to stand up for myself and for my family in a different way, even at work, and advocating for the time off that I was going to need it helped reassure me that the things that I had already done, looking at my 20s, and all those amazing things and experiences that I had that a lot of it was not easy. I struggled through a lot of things. I mean you were there for some of my lower moments. Right that it was all becoming validated in that second pivotal moment, because everything that I've done to lead myself there I did for me and that's what mattered. I didn't need the help of anybody else. At that point I found strength and I found my voice and it just totally changed me and I think I've been a much better person since then. In general, on my life, I can say boundaries now, jessica, it is amazing.
Speaker 2:I love that word, Hila.
Speaker 1:That's great, yeah, so it's just so interesting how it all ends up playing out. It's been a while right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really sounds like it. I want to go back to the statement that your mom made, because that is quite, I can imagine, a hard thing to hear in that moment. When you identify the anger that resonated with you, I don't think you're alone in that experience. You speak about anger a lot. That seems to be the emotion that you continue to identify this period of time having. I feel like a lot of the times when we think of the feeling or emotion of anger, we associated it with something negative or bad, but it sounds like it was something that was really powerful for you to experience. Can you tell me a little bit more about that anger and what it was maybe connected to? Because anger is more of a secondary emotion that is often linked to something more that's going on. What would you say that was?
Speaker 1:That's a really great question. I think part of it has many layers, just from going way back into my childhood and everything and dealing with mental health issues from an early age. But I think a lot of it is simply just because I was constantly shut down as a child. I had high expectations set for me. If I didn't live up to it, I felt like I was never good enough If I was sick or something was going on. Even the headaches and all that aside, it was like oh, you have strep throat, okay, go to school. I was never fully taken seriously. I always felt like I was being belittled in a way.
Speaker 1:But I got to this point where now, like I had to justify all of those actions and feelings that I had for all these years. I think that's what made me angry, because I shouldn't have had to justify any of it. I shouldn't have had to fight so hard for somebody to give me a voice and to listen to me and respect me in the way that I always respect the people that I talk to and love and care about. So that was really challenging, because I think it came from a deeper place of many, many years of pent up issues. But I think it was also the time wasted angered me. It pissed me off because I wasn't mad at other people so much, but I was mad at myself for not finding the power sooner, because I knew deep down that there was issues. I've always had these issues. I just didn't trust my gut, I didn't trust myself enough to just follow the lead and figure it out. I just always kind of was like no, it is fine. It is fine because that's what was ingrained in me. So I was angry at myself for not advocating for myself and for letting everybody else's thoughts and judgments and what crippled me. And then obviously I was angry for the time lost and whatnot too.
Speaker 1:So it's interesting that it's a secondary emotion, because I'm trying to figure out what else it's attached to. Because I had other feelings around the surgery and everything. Like I was dreading it, like I never really felt dread before and that was really like, oh, this is what dread feels like, because it was like this slow crawl and this like process that I had to go through and wait and wait and wait. There was fear. Obviously nobody wants to get their skull cracked open for any reason. So I had to navigate that and I've never been someone who's been super fearful, so that was really interesting.
Speaker 1:But I think I'm also a very independent person and maybe the anger comes from that and that I prided myself on being able to pick up, pack my bags and leave. I moved down to my parents' house when I was 15. And then I picked up and packed my bags and I moved to Houston on a whirlwind and then I packed my bags again and I moved to Australia and I was able to do all these things on my own. But I don't know if I did those things for me. At those points Like that's I guess what I decided to question myself because if I could do all those things for myself, why couldn't I advocate for my health for myself? And I think that's where some of these like thoughts and feelings kind of stem from.
Speaker 2:I hope that makes sense. No, it all makes total sense. Like I can hear you putting some of these puzzle pieces together and I'm gonna say something and you tell me if it lands for you or not. But I feel like there must be some sort of sadness too that the anger was connected to, of like sadness that you're going through this, sadness that your life is now being changed and you maybe don't have so much control out of it. Sadness that you don't have the people that you love and care about maybe necessarily believing and validating you. Like those things can be heartbreaking to experience as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, honestly, now that you say it, that yeah, it makes total sense. I think I did have to reflect on that a lot Like what did I lose in all of this? And that definitely made me sad even so much. As you know, I went to school for theater and I had all these big hopes and dreams.
Speaker 2:I dance. Okay, everyone listening? Jenna is an incredible singer and performer. Like find her videos on Instagram. She's truly so talented.
Speaker 1:Don't let this froggy voice of fool you. I've had a very bad head cold for the last two weeks, thank you, I appreciate that this shout out. Well, like I took dance lessons for 24 years of my life, like I mean, we danced still together in Australia, like in our mid-20s, and I realized later on that I've always been really pissed at myself because I was never able to do like a double or a triple turn of any type. So it's like you know, everyone else is doing triple pirouettes and I'm in class perfectly capable and pretty decent dancer and I can't do a double. And I used to like drive myself nuts over and I practice, and I practice, and I practice. And I realized all of it was because I have these major bounce issues because of my illness and I can't actually like turn my head without losing vision and without potentially like wobbling and falling. It's gone better post-surgery but all of those things that could have affected my career, like I don't know. Like if I didn't have these issues and I was able to train the way that I thought I was training properly, you know, my career could have been very different, like that made me sad. So there are definitely pieces that I felt like, wow, I missed out on opportunities and whatnot because of this too, and I think there was definitely sadness, there's definitely anger that came from that.
Speaker 1:And still at times I think back and I, when I was during my diagnosis, especially like starting with the ankle injury, I had started CrossFit and I've been doing that for about six years now, but that was kind of like I found my physical strength again and that made me feel really good.
Speaker 1:And I remember feeling so sad when they told me that I wasn't going to be able to work out for three months after the surgery and a minimum, and everybody else was like, why are you worried about that, of all the things? But for me it was important because that made me feel good and that made me feel powerful and that was something that I worked really hard at and I was really I'm really good at it Like I'm a pretty freaking good CrossFit athlete For somebody that's like built like me too and who's had all my issues. So that made me sad because I felt like I was losing even, just like, even if it was a couple of months, but I didn't know if it was only gonna be a couple of months and, like those unknowns scared me in ways. So I definitely think you're right. I think sadness probably plays a much bigger role in this than I ever really considered.
Speaker 2:This is such a roller coaster ride for you to have endured through what, like four or five years, you said From like knowing there was an issue, to actually getting the final surgery.
Speaker 1:The full. Yeah, it was probably like four or five years that, like I knew, things were getting worse. So my situations where I have KRM malformation, which is a brain issue, but I also have what's called the syringes it's called syringo, my alia, I always pronounce wrong. Anyways, google, it's like a 15 letter word medical diagnosis.
Speaker 2:I'll get you to type it out for me and I'll put it in the comments below, if anyone wants to Google it later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but essentially I have what's called a syringes, which is a pocket of spinal fluid that won't move, it's like stuck because of the pressure that's coming from my brain. So that was fairly new. That I probably only had for about four or five years and it was that that was causing all these new symptoms to rise. And it was my now husband at the time. That was kind of like this is weird, like why does this always happen to you? And he kind of started to get the wheels turning. But then it was about a two and a half year two two and a half year journey of like the doctors from like the ankle issue with the physical therapists all the way through up to surgery time. So it was a long road.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a long time to not know what's happening and to have to constantly be fighting the medical system. It's a long, exhausting process. I can only imagine. So what in that period of time before we get to the pivotal moment where you start moving into what's the word I want to say the more positive mindsets in the healing process. What tools and support systems did you lean on as you navigated this difficult time?
Speaker 1:Definitely leaned on my husband more than I've ever leaned on any person for anything ever.
Speaker 2:Shout out to the husband what's his name?
Speaker 1:Mike.
Speaker 2:Mike.
Speaker 1:What a jam. We love you. It's just gotten engaged right before this happened too. Like we got engaged July 1st. I got my diagnosis on like August 24th or something.
Speaker 2:Okay, you've got multiple pivot and whole moments just like happening all at once, because an engagement is quite exciting too.
Speaker 1:When you sit over on the coast you're right before. I was like, yeah, that sounds about right, one of the lots of things crazy turns. So, like you know, we were all excited, we were planning a wedding and then all of a sudden, everything had to like hit pause and it still baffles me to this day that he didn't like just walk out with. I mean, there were nights that I was going through Bounce of Insomnia, where I would just like be walking through the house because I couldn't sleep, because I couldn't turn my thoughts off. And then there'd be days where I would sleep like three or four days at a time because I was just like depressed and couldn't get out of bed and couldn't process it. And then the panic attacks, like I said, locking myself in the bathroom, and he was like, what do I do? He was such a God sent during all of that and I never, never in my life, leaned on people the way that I kind of had no choice but to lean on him, and if he had walked down on me I would not have been surprised, and he didn't. We're still here, you know, 37 weeks pregnant currently with our first son. So it's all like very exciting. I'm very grateful for him that my CrossFit journey definitely helped.
Speaker 1:You know, I put a lot of time and energy into my mental health by being physically healthy because I knew that like, instead of being this depressed little blob on the couch like I could be, and that it would be okay to be, I needed to like prep my body right. I wanted a strong recovery. I wanted to come out of this so much better. So I knew that was going to be helpful and, like the community at the gym really supported me, which was also amazing, because none of them really understood and never really told them what was going on. It was just kind of like oh, jenna's like scaling back a little better. She's modifying some things, you know, like my coaches knew, but it was nice to have like a support system that didn't question me during all that. They just kind of like let me ride my wave, which is awesome.
Speaker 2:I can imagine that was especially awesome after you've been having to justify and explain over and over again. To have people that just allowed you to be where you were at without questioning your choices must have felt like such a relief.
Speaker 1:Such a relief, such a relief. I leaned on my dog so much. I mean, he doesn't talk back at me, so that doesn't, you know, that doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1:But I just I found comfort in things that I needed to and that was like the best for me. I tried to go back to therapy, but again American healthcare system made that a little not so cost effective for me. So I had to, like find creative solutions for myself, keep my head space strong, because I was. There were definitely times where I was spiraling and I'd get myself out of the hole and and all that, especially attempting to also wedding plan during this and to, you know, answer the questions to, like my in-laws of. Like yes, I still will be able to have children. Like why is that your priority right now? Like let's just make sure that I get out of the hospital and I'm on peace.
Speaker 2:So people were asking you that question, like will you be able to get married, will you have babies? Like as if you don't have enough on your plate right now. Like why is that the important question we're asking?
Speaker 1:I mean, you could do a whole podcast of the ridiculous things that people have said to me. But so this Um, yes, but that's that, yep, and I still am having it. Now you know that I'm gearing up for, like, actual childbirth. I'm still getting questioned about, like, how I'm able to deliver my kid because of my head stuff, and like people not understanding it's like, well, this person had this thing and they did it this way. Like, but that's not me. I'm not that person. The situation's different. Stop questioning it. Like, people just don't, um, I don't think they think before they speak sometimes.
Speaker 1:We'll leave it at that, yeah, and it can be very frustrating to navigate.
Speaker 2:Um, I do love that you have such a supportive partner who really showed up for you and for anyone who's maybe listening, who has a partner who's going through something similar, where there's a medical condition and there may be not themselves right now mentally, emotionally, physically. What would you say to those partners who are looking for ways or guidance of how they can support their partners right now?
Speaker 1:I mean for me especially, um, because I struggled so much with like finding my voice. I needed somebody who was just going to be willing to sit back and listen, and Mike is incredibly good at just that. You know he doesn't try to talk over me, he doesn't try to validate my feelings or justify anything without me kind of hinting that I need that. He will literally just be a sounding board and I encourage anybody who's going through this to take themselves out of the equation.
Speaker 1:You know it's one thing to be empathetic and to feel what your partner's going through, but sometimes just doing so silently is so much more effective than the.
Speaker 1:I hear you, I feel you, and the the yada, yada's Cause that's just extra noise, like I already have enough going on in my head. I just need to like get it out and I just need somebody who's sitting there across from me that I trust to just take that in, for me to take some of that weight off without feeling like I have to see saw it back and forth. So definitely, you know, put on your best listening ears you possibly can. Patience is golden. You know there's going to be a lot of ups and downs, I think, in your, your partners and emotions, and I also think that prioritizing your own self care and mental health too, to help keep that like balance is really helpful. You know, mike started running again when, when this was all happening, he needed his own way to de-stress. Also, the dog definitely helped him Right. So finding those comfort moments for yourself as well, because taking on so much from when your partner's going through can certainly have a toll on your own self care.
Speaker 2:Honestly, it sounds like Mike, like ace the assignment, Like he yeah, because I don't hear that he made it about himself, which can be an issue that people cross of. I have to tell you something hard that's happening for me. And then they come back and go oh my gosh, what am I going to do without you? Oh my gosh, this is heartbreaking for me. And then you end up having to console them, which is like the last thing you want when you are going through something difficult.
Speaker 2:So it doesn't sound like he did that, which we love. And then also, when we're sitting with someone and they're struggling and things aren't maybe necessarily going well in their life right now, you are not there to fix them, you are not there to solve their problem for them. You need to just sit and allow them time to process. You don't necessarily need to fix anything, but sit with them in the shit, be there with them in the sadness, in the anger, and just help them feel a little less alone in that moment. And I'm really hearing that Mike was able to do that for you.
Speaker 1:He totally did and and it's you know you ride a roller coaster the whole time. Like I mentioned that I was having panic attacks, but there'd be days where I was like laughing up a storm and having the best time and I still wanted to go out with friends and go to karaoke and he had to like watch me go through these ups and downs and he really just kind of like embraced it. The days that I was in a happy mood and we were laughing and doing all these fun things, like he went with that and didn't question it. And then the days that I didn't want to leave the bed, he just said okay, can I get your glass of water Right? He didn't question it. He didn't ask me well, why aren't you like this happy, go lucky person today? He just let it. Let me be in my, in my moods and my craziness and everything, without judgment, without question.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he trusted you. He trusted that you knew what your body needed that day, yeah, and didn't question it and which, I'm given all the questioning I'm sure made a really big difference for you. So let's now explore this second pivotal moment that you had, which was the actual surgery and heading into the healing process. Can you tell me a little bit about what that day felt like as you went into it and what changed from that point forward?
Speaker 1:Sure, I mean that second pivotal moment definitely kind of started in the morning of my surgery. I woke up. I felt like light as air. I was almost like giddy in a way. That's like not the weirdest thing to hear. Like I was like dancing in my hospital gown and like cracking jokes Mike's sitting there anxious like COVID was spiking. They almost had to cancel my surgery.
Speaker 1:So we had like just gone to the hospital. We weren't even sure if, like, we were going to get through all of this after the two and a half months of having to like put things off and wait. But I just was like it's fine, everything's gonna be great. Because I just had this like weight off my shoulders, even though it hadn't happened yet. I didn't know if it was successful, I didn't even know if I was waking up from it, but I had like this gut feeling that like everything was going to be better. And all the hard work, all the ups and downs, all that like wild emotional rollercoaster riding I had just done was like paying off and the recovery was brutal. The first couple of days, especially like the day of, like I said, with COVID and stuff like my hospital stay was horrible and there's just like a lot of things that went on.
Speaker 2:Is this like early COVID days?
Speaker 1:Like this was like this was 2021, but it was December 2021. So it was like that second, like holiday wave.
Speaker 2:December 2021 really started to hit and that, like December, january period, that was like Explosive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my surgery. So there was one girl who was performed right after me. We were the last surgeries that the hospital did and they shut everything down. The only patients that were allowed in the hospital from that point were COVID patients. Wow, they did everything in their power also to try to like get me out and like I mean, I ended up staying for five days in the hospital, but if they could have shortened it to three they would have, but I wasn't physically capable of leaving any sooner. So like that was stressful enough.
Speaker 1:And then like the holidays and everything missing the holidays which I'm actually fine with most most years there was like stress and all that, but I finally was like you know what, I am doing this the right way. I'm not forcing myself to go to Christmas because it's going to make other people happy. I don't feel good, I am in pain, I have to recover, I have to prioritize me. And it was like those little moments of like nope, find your voice again, find your strength again. You got this. You went through this whole journey. Don't let it change now, just because everybody's in their feelings and making it about them, that I kind of like reassured myself of like that first pivotal moment it's like, yes, I've got this, I made that change.
Speaker 1:And then it was probably like maybe two weeks into my recovery or so when I was actually able to like kind of move again, able to go for short walks I was able to. You know, I was starting to think about like physical therapy and all that. That everybody started to baby me You're doing too much Slow down. What can I do for you? Let me cook for you, let me do this for you. And then it started to like irritate me again. So it's like I just went through brain surgery. I'm more than capable of telling you if I'm not okay and I need you to make me my easy Mac. But I can put my easy Mac in the microwave for a minute on my own and I will do it proficiently and I will eat it and it will be fine.
Speaker 1:So then it was like again finding that independent Jenna that I've always been. So even though I had like leaned on Mike and I'd like lean on all these other people during this stage in between, I was finally finding like my groove again. Nope, I am strong, I am capable, I am powerful. I'm setting boundaries, I am doing what I need to for me and I and I haven't changed back since, and I think that's what makes that pivotal for me, because I'm so easily revert back to old behaviors, especially when it comes to, like, my family. Like if my parents tell me something that like makes me feel like I disappointed them. I become a child again. You know, I've always been like that.
Speaker 1:But from that point on it was like no, I'm a grown ass woman who is capable of a lot of really tough things and from here on out I'm riding that wave instead. And it's been amazing since, like I really have totally shaken up my mindset and I test myself sometimes like there are definitely moments where I'm like Nope, try that again, because again you're strong. Okay, both of them Right. But that whole journey like really just has completely shifted the way that I treat myself. I treat myself with far more kindness and grace than I ever have and I am able to re-embrace like those things that were always important to me, like being independent and riding through pain and all that without letting people question it and whatnot. So I don't know if that answers your question. Again, yeah, no.
Speaker 2:I'm hearing that you found your voice and really cemented self trust, like trusting in yourself and believing what your body and your feelings and your thoughts are telling you and thinking twice about maybe not thinking twice, but like when people ask things of you or request things of you, you now take some time to see if that actually resonates and lands as something that's actually important to you, or if that's going to be something that is good for you in your life, rather than just going with whatever everyone else is telling you to do.
Speaker 1:And I still struggle a little bit, I'm still learning. You know no word.
Speaker 2:Oh, mama, I'm sure you're going to get very good at that word soon.
Speaker 1:I've been practicing, I've been looking in the mirror. No, I'll set that wall, set that boundary. Say no, yes, that there's still like things to learn and grow with all of this, but the fact that I've been able to do any of it. So much of what you said is rings true. Like the self trust, like that didn't exist for me before, and now at least I know that I'm capable of it, even if I let myself flip up sometimes. I know it's in me and I just need to harness it and I just need to use it and own that power that I finally have. So it feels good.
Speaker 2:That's so awesome, Jenna I I even, as you're just speaking about finding this within yourself like I remember being in Australia with you and I just thought you were the coolest check. Like you were a boss. I was still waitressing I've been waitressing for such a long time and you had like lined up office jobs. You had a sick apartment. You knew the hottest guys. Like you were just like flying and it's so interesting. But it's interesting to hear you know how much differently some people's internal experiences are, so different than how we perceive them to be experiencing or existing in this world. I would not. I remember you having headaches. I definitely remember that. I remember you dancing and I remember you being focused on working out, but I would never have once thought that you were someone who struggled with self trust or self esteem or or that you were struggling that medically. Even so, it's so interesting in that way.
Speaker 1:It is interesting. I and you know, I think a lot of like what I learned about myself with all of this too is that I did a lot of that traveling and picking up and moving, and all that because I could be whoever I wanted to be when I was just me in a new environment. And now finally, like settling into you know normal more, you know more or less normal life and like routines and all that stuff, it's like I can still be me. I don't need to run away to do it. I don't need to find a new group of friends all over the world in order to be me. It just took some time to figure that that's all.
Speaker 2:I think we're going to have to bring you back for another episode where we're going to have to talk about Australia, because I just want to talk about how pivotal that I mean. Australia was a pivotal moment in my life that I would just really love to discuss, and I know that that is a pivotal moment in your own life as you heal from the loss of your friend, because I remembered that being the reason you went. So I think we're going to have to bring you back for another episode and another conversation Amazing love, love, love.
Speaker 1:That so much.
Speaker 2:If you guys are listening and you want to hear Jenna come back for another episode, right, yes, please down in the comments and we will make sure that that happens. But before we wrap this up, I'm really curious to know if. What would you say to someone who is listening to this podcast right now or watching on YouTube and they are themselves in the midst of either struggling to be validated in their medical physical experience or they have that diagnosis and it feels really scary right now and they're going through this process. What do you want them to know?
Speaker 1:That's your gut. I mean, you know so much more about yourself than you even can fully comprehend sometimes and it's like your gut is telling you something's not right. Or if your gut is telling you that you feeling this way is okay, even if other people aren't, you have to run with that, like you can't let all the extra noise and opinions and judgments and all that affect how you choose to behave around, what you're going through. And when you brought up self trust before, like that's something that I, you know, never really considered, I guess I never thought I didn't trust myself, but like, yes, I didn't trust myself, but you really need to.
Speaker 1:There's nothing better that you can do for yourself, I think, than just to say, nope, this is all, this is okay, this is validated. I don't need anybody else to do for me, I'm doing it for myself. And find power in that and find strength in that and be willing to go with the flow also, because none of it's easy and none of it is fun for the most part. But you have to give yourself the patience and the grace to like be a mess, but find those high moments and like cherish them when you can and just ride the wave and like things will sort themselves out. But trust your gut and do what's right for you, because that makes all the difference. I feel very fortunate and very lucky. I'm very excited to be out of the weeds and darkness of a lot of the things I've gone through and to just be looking forward and to hopefully teach my child self-advocation from a very early age, because not a lot of us have gotten that in our especially us millennials. I think we all struggle with it a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, massively. What are you looking forward to right now other than your baby boy? Anything else that's on the horizon for you?
Speaker 1:I think you know I've had a big work shift this year too. From post-surgery and whatnot. I found my voice at work as well and able to advocate for what I need a little bit better. So I'm excited to come back from my maternity leave and like really own that. I kind of built a new position for myself. So as much as I'm excited to have time away from work and to just like enjoy motherhood for a few months, I'm also looking forward to like putting my self back out there for my career and trying to own that a little bit more.
Speaker 1:If anything, I want to just add like what I have is technically a chronic illness, and I think that there's a lot of people who have a variety of chronic illnesses out there that around their diagnosis they get taken very seriously because it's timely for the people in their lives. But chronic means it doesn't go away. So like don't stop supporting them because you've decided it's no longer important to you. Continue to support them. Is this something that they're going to struggle with for life? It might come and go and in severity and whatnot, but I think that's something I really learned with all this.
Speaker 1:You know many Facebook groups and different forums and stuff learning about like. They're people who have a way worse than me, they're people who have it not as bad, but I can't. I can't speak to their journey. You know, all I can do is say I support you, I'm with you, I'm here with you. I understand that you're going through something really challenging in your life and I would love for people who are not battling these chronic illnesses to do the same. You know you shouldn't have to be in it to empathize with it. Yeah, I get my parting words.
Speaker 2:And I like that. It's just simply believing you don't have to understand it, but just trust that they're not just saying it for attention, which I hate. That is my least favorite critique for anyone. They're just doing it for attention. No one lies about this shit for a tech. Like not saying no one. I'm sure that there's something eventually, but like very rarely are people lying and wanting to stay in bed all the time because of something fake that's going on.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and if that's the case for them too, there's something fake going on.
Speaker 2:That's something else that's going on. That's another issue.
Speaker 1:But it's still just as important. Exactly, I think, the moral of my story is like don't be an asshole, but, you know, make sure that you're taking care of the people around you the way that you want to be cared for if you were in their shoes.
Speaker 2:Heck, yeah, just be kind. Thank you so much, jenna, for coming and speaking with me. I'm so appreciative of your vulnerability and sharing your story. I'm sure it will help a lot of people who are listening because, sadly, there is a lot of people who could probably relate to a similar experience, and I hope that they hear this story and feel some relief and less alone in the process. So thank you so much and I look forward to whatever episode you come back for where we talk about Australia and how we changed each other's lives during that period of time. I'm already really excited about it. We got to get it on the box.
Speaker 1:You're far less prepared to get this too, but thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. If you enjoyed today's episode, please consider liking, subscribing and letting us know your thoughts in the comments below. It truly means the world to me to hear from you. New episodes will be available every Saturday, both on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts, and if you would like to learn more about my work as a coach, today's guest, or have a story that you would like to share on the pivot point, check out the episode description for more information. Now time for the legal stuff.