In today's episode I speak with Michael R Herst who, once upon a time, was a well respected Police Sergent (something he had been working towards and dreaming of since he was a young kid!) until one evening, on an early morning call, something terrible happens leaving him physicaly disabled and no longer able to fulfill his work in policing. So what do you do, when the dream job and life you had always wanted gets taken away from you in a split second? How do you heal and find a new purpose again? Michaels journey includes depression, anger, PTSD, fortitude, strength, love and commitment. Through weight loss, intense pain, 8 operations, physical therapy, support from family and friends, Michael reinvented his purpose. This is his story of how.
Today, Michael is a multi-talented host, keynote speaker, author, director, and retired Police Sergeant. His M.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies with a focus on Performance and DigitalMedia and his B.S. in Business Management gives him a unique approach to every project he takes on. He loves exploring the metaphysical, paranormal and supernatural aspect of life. He is a devoted family man, an animal advocate and vegan. A veteran podcaster, specializing in Pop-Culture, Podcasting and overcoming life’s obstacles called One More Thing Before You Go..
Listen to Michaels Podcast Here: https://beforeyougopodcast.com
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Explore more wellness conversations with me over on instagram @coached.byjess
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In today's episode I speak with Michael R Herst who, once upon a time, was a well respected Police Sergent (something he had been working towards and dreaming of since he was a young kid!) until one evening, on an early morning call, something terrible happens leaving him physicaly disabled and no longer able to fulfill his work in policing. So what do you do, when the dream job and life you had always wanted gets taken away from you in a split second? How do you heal and find a new purpose again? Michaels journey includes depression, anger, PTSD, fortitude, strength, love and commitment. Through weight loss, intense pain, 8 operations, physical therapy, support from family and friends, Michael reinvented his purpose. This is his story of how.
Today, Michael is a multi-talented host, keynote speaker, author, director, and retired Police Sergeant. His M.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies with a focus on Performance and DigitalMedia and his B.S. in Business Management gives him a unique approach to every project he takes on. He loves exploring the metaphysical, paranormal and supernatural aspect of life. He is a devoted family man, an animal advocate and vegan. A veteran podcaster, specializing in Pop-Culture, Podcasting and overcoming life’s obstacles called One More Thing Before You Go..
Listen to Michaels Podcast Here: https://beforeyougopodcast.com
Are you loving this show? I’d be so grateful if you like, rate, review and share with a friend!
Catch the episode on Youtube to see photos and videos related to this story.
Want to spend more time with me? Join me in my 1:1 Coaching Container https://www.coachedbyjess.com/coaching
Explore more wellness conversations with me over on instagram @coached.byjess
Do you have a story that you would like to share on The Pivot Point? Apply now https://forms.gle/hxfmFb5RNJ7VBKQQ9
Welcome to the Pivot Point stories of courage, resilience and reinvention. I'm your host, jessica McGahn, coach, producer and creative, whose mission is to normalize the human experience, ignite the soul and move you from feeling limited to limitless. Please connect us, and my hope is that within this series, you will find at least one story that resonates with you on a deeply personal level, one that speaks to your soul or your current situation, that will motivate you to keep moving forward, inspire you to make bold, brave choices in your own life and help you feel less alone in the process. In today's episode, I speak with Michael R Hurst, who once upon a time was a well-respected police sergeant, something he had been working towards and dreaming of since he was a young kid, Until one evening, on an early morning call, something terrible happens, leaving him physically disabled and no longer able to fulfill his work in policing. So what do you do when the dream job and life you had always wanted gets taken away from you in a split second? How do you heal and find a new purpose again? Michael's journey includes depression, anger, ptsd, fortitude, strength, love and commitment. Through weight loss, intense pain aid operations, physical therapy, support from family and friends, michael reinvented his purpose, and this is his story of how.
Speaker 2:Today, michael is a multi-talented host, keynote speaker, author, director and retired police sergeant. His MA in interdisciplinary studies with a focus on performance and digital media, and his BS in business management gives him a unique approach to every project he takes on. He loves exploring the metaphysical, paranormal and supernatural aspects of life. He is a devoted family man, an animal advocate and vegan, a veteran podcaster specializing in pop culture, podcasting and overcoming life's obstacles. Called One More Thing Before you Go. Michael has an incredible and inspirational story to share with you today. So, without further ado, let's dive in. I'm really excited to have this conversation with you.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited to dive in, so Michael perhaps you could start us off by telling us, or painting us, a picture of what your life was like before everything changed.
Speaker 1:That's a very interesting question we always like to start back with where did you come from? I came from a very dysfunctional family already on in my life and that propelled me, we'll say, into the life of law enforcement. Becoming from a very dysfunctional family, I did it to alcoholic parents. I had a very big font. They argued all the time. I lost my father when I was like 15 years old and the due to alcoholism and cancer and things like that.
Speaker 1:So in defining that, I felt that I wanted to go into law enforcement and that was kind of my dream and I felt that I could help people. I could protect and serve the cliched, protect and serve the public and hopefully help people that are growing up in the same environment that I grew up in and had nobody to reach out to. They gave me the opportunity to maybe give back. So I went to college to be a cop and after I went to college to be a cop I joined a community law enforcement community. I worked with a sheriff's department in the beginning a sheriff's department for a local police department, and I was I think I was a pretty good cop. I got to arrest a couple of Americans, most wanted.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was kind of cool. I got to protect. You know I didn't protect personally, but I got put on the detail to help protect two presidents of the United States when they came out to visit and you know I caught a multitude of bad guys that really deserve to be in jail. I worked domestic violence task force for it's a multi agency domestic violence task force for about four years in specific. Just with that I mean, you always deal with domestic violence as a law enforcement officer anyway. But this was a task force that was put together, multi agency that worked in.
Speaker 1:By no means any domestic violence is good, but we worked the worst of the domestic violence cases and really went after the people that were just hardcore. And then I worked a DUI task force for part of the end of my career. So I worked that for about three years, four years, and I enjoy doing that because it allowed me to embark upon again what I grew up with as a child, between the alcoholism and between that. So I really excelled in what I was doing. So my aspirations were to. I became a sergeant and you know, had the team and my aspirations were to move on up the line and become a lieutenant and in fact I was studying for the lieutenant's exam when I got injured in the line of duty.
Speaker 2:I can just hear how much passion and purpose you felt in that role, like it meant more to you than just a job because of your emotional connection to it. Is that accurate?
Speaker 1:It was who I am. I mean I say am see it's, it's still in eight in within me. You know, that's who I was, that's who I am still to this day, I still carry the integrity, the honesty, the fortitude, the perseverance. And I have to say that journey helped me to where I'm at today as well, because it allowed me the strength and the fortitude to move through what I'm about to tell you, because without that, I think I'm without that background and without their colleagues and without the individuals in my life that helped me through that, whether they pushed me from behind or whether they pulled me from the front, or whether they walked beside me holding my hand. You know it's, it's a, it was a journey. So yeah, what happened?
Speaker 1:Well, basically, you know, I being a cop was my purpose. So I again I said I was a sergeant, so I had a team and about 230. In the morning two guys two of my guys had made a contact with an individual that was backed up on somebody's property and he wouldn't get out of the car, he wouldn't get off the property, he wouldn't cooperate whatsoever. So they followed protocol and they called for a sergeant. So I showed up and when I showed up I walked in front of my car in this big S on my chest, like not just Sergeant but Superman.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I walked in front of my car. Instead of, like I tell my guys to do, walk behind my car, I walked in front of my car. He floored at me, pinned me between his car and my patrol car. So, anyway, that created this environment where I had a journey that took me to.
Speaker 1:This is where I get a little emotional, because what it is, was abruptly stopped my career law enforcement because it it created injuries within myself that took me a really, really long time to come through. So I was put on light duty for a little while and made the decision. I mean, of course, we caught the guy, we arrested him and he got charged with the whole multitude of things, including attempted murder of a police officer and felony alluding, and he had like four, four different drugs in his system, alcohol in his system. Everything that I worked against as a law enforcement officer is what just took me out basically of being a law enforcement officer. I worked DUI task force to take people who drove drunk and on drugs off the street and here's an individual that followed drugs and alcohol. That basically took me out of law enforcement.
Speaker 2:So it was remember, like, yeah, like do you remember even in that accident did you have those fearful thoughts or worry about your like? Did your whole life almost like flash before your eyes when that happened, or were you very like to do the adrenaline kick in and like what was it like, like in that?
Speaker 1:moment. I would say more adrenaline kicked in at that moment because obviously this just took place. And then, of course, you're mad, you're angry. And by the way, in a side note, it was a brand new patrol car. It had 50 miles on it. I thought my head is going to be really mad.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's where you're going. Am I going to be in trouble right now?
Speaker 1:Oh, you know it's like okay, so anyway it. Yes, it was. I was angry, it was mad, it was obviously hurting a little bit, but you know the the a lot of that conversations I've worked through it, could you know, created a PTSD environment for me as life moved forward and you know it transformed my life in such a way that it was a pivotal point, because one of the first pitiful points, because I was faced with the fact that I had needed to retire and retire before I wanted to and retire with a disability. So the second thing is is when you go through this, through the retirement process with the police department or even a sheriff's department, at least in Colorado, when you go through it, you have to apply for it and then you have to explain the circumstances for it.
Speaker 1:Then you have to go see for and I explain this for a reason you have to go see four of their doctors, so they'll, depending upon your injuries and what's going on, then they send you to these four different doctors and then there's a fifth doctor that evaluates I'm pointing to everything, you can't see me pointing to everything. There is a fifth doctor that actually evaluates the four decisions and then that person says yes, this is validated. Yes, we feel that needs. This person needs to retire or no, they can go back to work. So that's how the process works. So all five of those individuals agreed that I would be eventually, because I was still on my feet, but I was the injuries and I developed rheumatoid arthritis and the whole slew of stuff. So they said that you will be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life at some point.
Speaker 2:So you remember hearing that for the first time, like when a doctor said that to you like still brings tears to my eyes because I don't hear that until I go to the meeting.
Speaker 1:So when we got the notice for the hearing, my wife and I drove to Denver. We went to the FPPA building and it was very difficult walking in. Of course my wife helped me to walk in to it was difficult to walk in because I wasn't going to roll in there.
Speaker 1:I wanted to walk. It sounds a little cliche-ish, but you know I was going to walk in, I wasn't going to roll in. So she had me walk in there and allowed her to come into the hearing. She sat behind me. There was, I think there's nine people in there. There's four on each side of the table than one at the head of the table. It's almost like going to the principal's office, but there's like nine of them. Oh gosh, that's terrifying. That's terrifying. You're going, hi guys. Anyway, they go over everything and they go over the thing with me and they talk and they say this is the results Basically, we're going to grant you a disability retirement. Thank you for your service, and you walk out this door as civilian.
Speaker 2:I can see the emotion that's still very much present. This was a powerful, pivotal moment in your life. You had dedicated your entire life to law enforcement and, it's, from the sounds of it, really loved it and we're thriving in that career. So to then have that taken from you and not like it was taken from you from this accident it was not a choice you didn't choose to leave. It was something that happened that was out of your control. So the level of grief I'm sure you were experiencing in that moment must have been profound.
Speaker 1:It was an interesting walk back to the car and then, once we got back to the car, I broke down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you remember the thoughts that were running through your mind at that time.
Speaker 1:You know, in this this may sound a little over the top, but I thought my life's over.
Speaker 2:I think that's the thought that a lot of people have experienced or would experience in a moment as big as that.
Speaker 1:You know, in the fact that it brings about not just the thought of I just lost my purpose.
Speaker 1:You know, I mean obviously I had multiple purposes. I was a husband, I was a father of two young ladies. So you know my purpose was there. My purpose was a father and a husband first, and my purpose was also a police officer and that was taken away from me, it was yanked away from me. So, from that perspective, after I broke down I had to make a phone call to the police department, talk to Lieutenant.
Speaker 1:It was very, very difficult. You know it was a very long, slow drive back because we lived in Woodland Park at the time. So Woodland Park, which is just north of or northwest of Colorado Springs, west of Colorado Springs, northwest west of Colorado Springs, was about two, about an hour and a half hour 45 minutes to get there to Woodland Park and I had to drive through the city that it was no longer a cop to get home kind of a thing. So it was a long drive home. So and it was difficult. It was very difficult because you know it's.
Speaker 1:Plus, I looked at the results of what they told me and the fact that you know this was just was accelerating and you know, developing rheumatoid arthritis from the injuries. It just set itself in really quickly and fast and hard and the, just the idea that not only was I losing my identity as a police officer, my identity, that's who I was. People knew me from the time I went to college for it to the almost 17 years on the street. That's who I was. So that was just gone in an instant, basically who am I if I'm not a cop?
Speaker 1:It's changed in an instant. So what am I going to do? You know I went to school to be a cop. That was my dream to be a cop. So it's like anybody that's faced with the same kind of a situation you kind of have to reflect on. Who am I now? What am I going to do now? So you know, my health continued to deteriorate and you know I won't go through all those details, but eventually, I think that's like an added layer to this too, of like you wouldn't just lose your job.
Speaker 2:You also were losing your health and your ability to function in this world in the way that you were accustomed to. You went from an able-bodied person to someone struggling with a disability now, and that's a whole other world. To exist in this world has not created a lot of the times for people with disabilities. It's a whole other struggle on top of what's happening for you internally. What kind of support or tools did you lean on during this time?
Speaker 1:Well, you know it's interesting because it's I went from just so you know part of that journey. I'm from 175 pounds. I got it worked out all the time you know, and it was all stored muscle. Of course, Everything that was a little extra was stored for later use.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So I was at 175 pounds and I went down to 100 pounds and you know that within itself and going from. I explain this for two reasons. One, because I want everybody to know that if you're going through the same thing in the same feelings and the same thoughts, that they all originate from the same arena and that there is, you do have the opportunity to look past that and you do have the opportunity to achieve overcoming those obstacles in life. I went from a guy that was a sergeant, ready to be a lieutenant. I had a team of individuals that I managed and that people looked up to me that they still, to this day, call me sergeant. I went from that to having and I'm going to speak bluntly to having my wife have to put me on the toilet. It created a very deep depression, anger, denial.
Speaker 1:The PTSD was amplified not only from what took place, but as I sat there I kept reflecting on all these cases that I had been through. I kept reflecting through every suicide. I went to every assault, every call, every traffic accident, every unattended death, because that was my day sitting there thinking about and reflecting upon my career, trying to pull the positive things out of what I had contributed to society and trying to reflect that on not focusing on the negative things, that the negative environments that I had been in within that job, because cops push that down. When you say, I would add, five suicides just between Christmas Eve and Christmas day one year, and that's difficult to take that home with you and then try to have a Christmas with your family and your kids, when you just think about you just delivered five messages to five different families that somebody had taken their life on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, which is going to have a profound effect on them for the rest of their lives because every holiday they're going to remember that instead of the holiday. I started reflecting on all of this.
Speaker 1:It created a PTSD, it created depression, it created anger, the denial. I was angry at the situation, I was angry at the guy that started all this and then I was withdrawn. It wasn't pretty. The feelings, the anxiety, the anticipation. Then the worst my health got, the more I thought when I say this I say this to be blunt and to be honest I thought all these calls I went to on that were people trying to commit suicide or on the verge of it and I helped talk them out of that, saying there's always hope and there's always light and you've got an ear to listen to. I was now at that point where I got well, what am I doing here? I thought. Now I understand why they were at that point.
Speaker 2:So you wanted to give up. Is that what?
Speaker 1:Yes, pretty much. It was too hard, sure, and then by the time it put me into a wheelchair. Of course, now we can move here to Arizona to get out of the weather in Colorado, because it was complicated, the snow every time, the storms would come in. This was more painful for me, so we moved down here to Arizona for the drier climate, which now is really, really, really hot, and I'm going. Why did we move here?
Speaker 2:I hope you have a nice pool or something to relax in.
Speaker 1:We don't have a pool but we definitely have air conditioning. So it's close but it's. We moved down here. We decided to get away from Arizona the reminders, I mean from Colorado, the reminders and I had a very good support system between my family, my wife, my kids I will tell you that my youngest daughter, nicole, my oldest daughter, caitlin, which will come to part of that, but Nicole had no issues. Pushing me into a wheelchair, nicole, I mean, she'd not treat me any differently, I was just her dad. There was no, and I respect that and I am grateful for that, because they said we're not going to feel sorry for you kind of a situation and I had the support that they needed, without issue, other than I felt guilty that somebody had to take care of me.
Speaker 1:So, there was a segment of guilt that then developed because my wife and my kids were taking care of me. My wife had to become the main breadwinner. I went from making 100% of my pay plus overtime down to making 40% of my pay and no overtime.
Speaker 2:And what I'm hearing too, is like you were self-sufficient. You were a badass cop helping lots of people. You were the helper and now you were the person that needed to accept help.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:And that can be really hard. It can be hard for people in everyday, normal existence to struggle to ask for help.
Speaker 1:It's something so I can imagine how difficult that could have been at that time it was extremely difficult because I thought you're not a stronger person than this. So that moment that my life changed, when I walked out of the FPPA, where they told me that you're no longer a cop, that you're a civilian, that pivotal point there alone put me in a downspire, to such a point that this affected my life and changed my life dramatically. It changed my wife's life, my kid's life. It changed those people around me, my friends, my colleagues. It changed us completely.
Speaker 1:So during that whole time that I was feeling sorry for myself and feeling down and feeling icky, moving down here to Arizona helped to reevaluate our situation and give me a positive path to some recovery. They put me on some medication down here that unfortunately caused some issues as well along the way. We won't need to cover all that, but it created, as I was making forward, progress. It put me three steps backwards because it had a allergic reaction to the medication they put me on and it took them a really long time to figure out what it was before they had done it. So that turned my life into becoming more of a vegan in managing my health now with, from that perspective, holistic perspective.
Speaker 2:Were you getting any mental health support during this time, like a therapist, a coach, anything?
Speaker 1:No, I mean through my wife's insurance. We had therapy and counseling and things like that. And I started to go to therapy and I'll be honest with this as well and I also come up with solutions for those of you that are listening, if you are in the law enforcement community or the fire department or the police department or I mean excuse me, the military, any along those. But I started talking to individuals. But then I would get a therapist and I'd go in and start talking and we'd start talking about my back to being a cop and going through that PTSD aspects of it and the suicides and the assault and the rapes and the deaths and everything, the traffic accidents. They would stop me and say I'm not the right therapist for you, so they didn't want to hear those kind of things to let them out. They have those in place now. So I need to put that out there to the community.
Speaker 1:If you are listening to this and you are in the law enforcement community, you're in the fire department, the paramedics. If you're in the military, there are specific agencies and organizations that are out there that are designed for people like me, people like us, that we can go and freely talk and communicate those, because those are usually run by other first responders and other military individuals that have gone through it as well. So it's okay. You have a free arena to be able to speak. At the time that I was in the middle of this, I really did not.
Speaker 2:My partner is military. He's search and rescue with the Canadian military and he has a lot of cop friends. He has a lot of firefire friends.
Speaker 1:That's our world.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's your world. And what I really started to notice, especially as I got deeper into my mental health training, was that this conversation around mental health support, it was like stigmatized, or it is stigmatized still in those areas, and if you are seeking mental health support, you're taken off of work. And so for me, as someone who works in this industry, all I can think is that if we had continual mental health support for those people who are constantly faced with really traumatic events, they would be stronger and healthier and happier as they progress down this. And why it's a stigma to be like hey, I watched someone commit suicide, I need to talk about this to someone. And they're like well, I guess you can't work, done work.
Speaker 1:It can't work or that's what you signed up for. Those are the kind of answers that you get. That was your job. This is your job.
Speaker 2:Well, suck it up and move on Like this is what you signed up for, wow.
Speaker 1:And you know, we're human beings.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is not trauma-informed decision-making, in my opinion.
Speaker 1:No, we're human beings and yes, there are some things that we did. I mean, I understand when I went into law enforcement. They prepare you really well when you go into the police academy as to what you're going to expect. And even in the, you know, when you go to college for it, most of the instructors for criminal justice are cops or they're retired cops. And they come around, like where I went to in Colorado Springs, you know those were retired cops that came out of New York City and out of LA and out of Orange County, california, and I mean big departments, and they were cops for 30, 40 years. Some of these guys, men and women. So you know they prepare you pretty well with what you're going to expect as a cop and what you, but the expectation of it when you see it in real life, totally different. It's totally different.
Speaker 1:So you know, and it compounds it because as a cop, a firefighter, paramedic, a rescue worker, a military individual, you know they say that's what you signed up for and suck it up, move on and you can't cry. You can't, you know you. You're not allowed to cry in front of somebody, you're not allowed to be afraid. You know they. There's a purpose for it.
Speaker 1:Of course you know if you, if you're afraid and run like everybody else runs, then there's nobody there to protect the ones that are running. So you, you have to be strong, you have to have the fortitude, the perseverance, you have to have the strength to stand there and the courage to stand there. And you can't walk up to somebody and knock on the door and say I'm sorry, I have bad news for you, and then start crying. You know you have to be strong. So in those situations there are, but there are times I'll tell you that I had to do that. Or I had a situation where I went to the car and I found a dark place under a tree and then I cried.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So because you weren't allowed to show that in public, you had you know you couldn't be weak, quote unquote. And I don't mean that in a negative way. I'm saying that societal perception are you can't be weak. And if you cry you're weak. If you run you're weak. If you're afraid, you're weak.
Speaker 2:It drives me crazy. I like this is so. It's just. It's so much about why I do what I do in my work with mental health and stuff. Because I I, these narratives have to go away.
Speaker 2:We have to understand how stress and trauma needs to be processed. And with what you're saying with like, how you need to enter those, those situations, I get it. You need to be calm. You can't let the stress or the fear take over your brain, otherwise your brain won't work. You need to be the stable ground that the other people who are freaking out they can look to you for comfort because you are maintaining control. I get that and I also understand that you need to be able to process it later. You need to be able to talk about it. You need to be able to sit under a tree and cry. You need to be able to process that under your body. Otherwise your brain is just going to store it away, tuck it away somewhere else and it's not going to leave and you're going to carry that with you in a way that you don't cognitively understand 100%.
Speaker 1:And, unfortunately, those that get put into a situation like I was, where I spent a good portion of my time sitting on my butt watching TV and being catered to, but having to have people do things for me and you can only watch so much TV before you start thinking, or I'm watching a cop show, of course, and then the cop show takes me back to the day and then this starts all over again, kind of a thing. Now I've worked through all these. I want you to know that I have worked through all this stuff, but plus 330, 40 interviews on my podcast has helped me too.
Speaker 2:Talking helps. Talking helps immensely. Yes.
Speaker 1:So it. I mean there's our associations and organizations that are out there for people that have gone through this, that are first responders, that are military, that you can reach out in, and I've got some on my podcast which we'll talk about at the end. But on my podcast there are some episodes on there where we talk about, like the Warriors Heart, the Warriors Heart organizations out of Texas, and it's a fantastic opportunity for people who are in this situation with your first responder military individual that you can go down to and it is stress free. You have an open forum for talking, discussing, for getting it out, for you know, and they don't call your department about it, validate or call the department to see because they want. They understand that you're going through this in such a way that you need to work through it and you need to do it on your on your time, but it shouldn't take you out of your job. You just need somebody to talk to you for almost a while and you just need to find a good start at your job.
Speaker 2:What ended up happening? I know we got a second pivotal moment here. What ended up shifting you into healing and moving forward in a positive way? What took you out of this dark space?
Speaker 1:Well, at first I tried, I did go back to university. Okay, for what. Basically, I got a master's degree in interdisciplinary studies with a focus on digital media, performance and art.
Speaker 2:Very different than police officer certifications.
Speaker 1:I did a documentary film, actually called One More Thing Before you Go.
Speaker 1:It was taking four different stories from people utilizing creative arts to help them heal through creative arts, through drama, through dance, through music and through art.
Speaker 1:Then we picked those stories and we allowed people to get closure, to show other individuals that you could use creative arts in order to. There's a purpose for me telling you this, because it started me on my new purpose. It gave me the opportunity to teach people the fact that there are some creative ways that you can work through your depression, your anger, your guilt, your drama, your grief, anything that you have an obstacle in your life, whether it be mentally or physically, that their creative arts have had the opportunity to help you to step away from that for a little while and move forward in a positive way. It allows you to build upon that from within yourself so that you can touch your soul, you can touch your heart again, you can focus on something, and you can do it through the use of creative arts. So that was what I was embarking on, and then my health took a really bad turn again and I went downhill drastically. So it did leave me in a wheelchair and I you were getting that wheelchair.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming you own a wheelchair now. Do you remember getting that wheelchair for the first time and being like okay, this is where.
Speaker 1:I will sit, I do, and then it put me back into depression and anger and resentment again and denial again and this I had the Pormi syndrome for a little while. Then, after that, because it was here, I went back to school thinking I got everything. Here. I got, hey, look, my new purpose and I'm going to do this, this is going to be great, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I got knocked back down on my buns again and it put me back down into the depression and the anger and everything else.
Speaker 1:And there's a really interesting, significant point to it when I All this because I'm sitting around but I'm sorry for myself and I have two daughters. As I said earlier, I love my daughters equally. I love them wholeheartedly. I would do anything for them and they know that I'm there for them each and every day. I talk to my kids every day, which is a benefit for people, because a lot of people don't talk to their kids every day. I talk to my kids every day and my wife, 34 years this year, would be married in just about a month.
Speaker 2:Congratulations.
Speaker 1:October, september. It was a couple months.
Speaker 2:That's massive.
Speaker 1:Congratulations, I need to remember the date.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much. And the ups and the downs, and through everything, through all of this, I ended up. My daughter looked down and I mean I needed to put that out there because without my family, without my sister, my brother-in-law, my wife, my kids and my colleagues, it would have been a more difficult journey because I could have taken a dark path twice. I got down to a point where I went why am I here? And I had to work back through out of that and use the tools and methodologies to work out of that which I also talk about VR and how that helped me as well when we get out.
Speaker 1:But our oldest daughter was going to get married and I sat her down and I said look, this is where I bring tears to my eyes, so I'll take a deep breath and hold him back just a little while we talk. It's okay. I asked her. I said of course we're your parents, I'm your dad and we're going to pay for your wedding. Of course. I said but what do you want for a wedding gift? And she said we got the wedding and I said, yep, that's your parents' responsibility. So I said that's a gift already, so what do you want as a gift. She puts either hand on the arms of the wheelchair and she leans down and looks me square in the eye and she says, dad, I want you to walk me down the aisle. It still brings tears to my eyes. And she says I know you can do it.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:That was the second pivotal moment and, like I said, my youngest daughter she puts me around my sister beat cancer twice. Unfortunately, she went through it a third time at the moment but she's going to beat that too. But when she did they had this thing called it was a cancer walk for cancer survivors, and we went out to this school and everybody that was a survivor out there and then had other families out there and he'd walk around the track and I wanted to walk around the track but I couldn't, of course. And my youngest daughter wheeled me over there and said, wheeled me around the track alongside my sister without hesitation, and I'll be walking her down the aisle when she gets the right guy.
Speaker 1:But that was pivotal point in my life again and where I had lost momentum in the middle of my new journey and my new purpose. Caitlin basically made me stop and reflect and think and said I was a cop, I wasn't Superman, but I was a cop. And the first thing they teach you when you're a cop you're a fireman, I mean a police officer or a soldier. I was on a business trip from the military too. They teach you never say die and you need to always strive to move forward and she reminded me of that. So we set on a pathway to find the surgeons and the doctors that would help me to walk her down the aisle. So we found a brilliant surgeon down here. Love the man. We found two brilliant surgeons actually, but Dr Berghoff, when I went to see him for the first time, told him everything.
Speaker 1:You know Caitlin was there, my wife was there, my youngest daughter was. She was in school at the time, in university at the time, and I said he goes, what are your goals? I said I'm going to walk that young lady down the aisle and he said we can do that.
Speaker 2:What did it mean to you to hear that? For the doctor to go? Yeah, we can do that.
Speaker 1:Oh heck. A lot different than saying I'm sorry, thank you for your service and you're now a civilian when you walk out that door. You know what I mean. It was immense. So Dr Berghoff said it's going to be tough, it's going to be hard, there's going to be some physical rehabilitation and you know you need to be prepared for that. And I said whatever it takes. So my first surgery I had two surgeries. I had a foot surgery, put my foot back together, then I had to have a knee surgery, knee replacement, and everything was on my left side, hitting into the patrol car. I mean, if I'm I don't know if you're where are you? Where are you at?
Speaker 2:I'm in Canada.
Speaker 1:Do they have push bumpers and stuff on the cars up there? You know the big, the huge push bumpers that they put on the front of the police car so you can push cars out of the way if you need to.
Speaker 2:Oh, I like they're like big, like black, like a big black grill on the front. Yes, yeah, I've seen those. Yeah, I've seen those. Just so you understand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got pushed into that. So you know, it was my left shoulder, left hip, left knee, left foot, you know, and this kind of a thing. So it that whole side. So we started on that side and he replaced my knee, got the foot surgery done, got the knee done, and he said that usually we do, you know it takes 12 weeks. So I'm hoping that you know, you know we can, we can get you squared away and you can do this, but it's going to take work. So I set the goal and I set the mindset and I relied on I used to do Tai Chi and I used to do martial arts. I did, like Keto, a little bit of I Keto and some kung fu not to you know, but it, it, it.
Speaker 1:I'd forgotten the mind, body, soul focus. And I had to remember the mind, body, soul focus. So, whereas most people are are recovering for about 12 weeks at minimum, I was ready to walk my daughter down the aisle at six weeks and it was slow. It was one of the best things in my life that happened to me. In fact, of all of her wedding pictures, it was her favorite. So, yeah, I walked her down the aisle and then, of course, she goes. Well, don't stop there. So the journey continued and while I was in the middle of recovering everything and in the middle of continuing to recover, I got another knee surgery done. And no, the hip surgery was next. I got a left hip was replaced and while I was sitting there I said I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I just really don't know what I'm going to do. And Caitlin said have you ever heard of a podcast? So she helped me continue my pivot by then going. You know, you've got a creative mind and you've got this and you've got that.
Speaker 2:And she said great voice Well, thank, you.
Speaker 1:You didn't tell me that yet, but she said, yes, I think you'd be good at this. She said you like to have conversations, you love to talk, and this is perfect for you. So she set everything up for me on my iPhone and she said start listening to these and it'll give you an idea. And I thought you know I can do this. And so not only did she get me out of a wheelchair walking again, she also got me into this absolutely fantastic new career that I'm loving to death, and it allows me the opportunity to inspire, motivate and educate people across the world. So that's a major, pivotal point in my life.
Speaker 1:I think, and I've had eight operations. By the way, I've had to have two shoulders completely replaced, two knees replaced, a hip replacement, foot surgery and I had to have two surgeries on my eyes. Actually, so eight operations and a long journey of rehabilitation. I was in a wheelchair periodically throughout that, but then the wheelchair went in the garage and it was a reminder that you have the means and the ability to move forward over life's obstacles if you connect your mind, your body and your soul, and that if you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps, as they say, and you understand that you have a choice in life and that choice is you can move forward or you can stay where you're at or move backwards, then moving forward is a better choice and that you have the ability and your free will gives you that ability to make that choice.
Speaker 1:And if you need help along the way, that all you need to do is look around you and ask People don't ask enough and just ask, and there'll be people there that will push you when you need it, or pull you when you need it, or walk with you side by side and hold your hand when you need it.
Speaker 2:I can really hear and even see in your eyes how much your family really supported you during this time. I don't know if you would be the same, michael, today if you didn't have the support of them. I can really hear how much love and support they gave you during this time and to reflect on what I heard through this pivotal moment is that you were in this dark. I have no purpose. What's the point? Why am I here? Dark mindset and this your daughter asking for you to walk you down the aisle gave you that purpose that you needed to keep pushing and moving forward, and you were able to navigate that even with that. I'm sure it was still hard. You had to go through multiple surgeries and you had to work that. I'm sure that wasn't easy, but it was like almost this. Walking your daughter down the aisle was like this northern star that you could stay focused on to keep moving you forward, is that?
Speaker 1:Yes, 100%, and I will say that it you know, my Caitlin ignited the fire, sort of speak. But what motivated me throughout the whole journey was my family, was my wife, was Nicole, was Caitlin. Those individuals motivated me to move forward and make that choice, because I wasn't doing it. I guess, of course, I did it for Caitlin, but then I come, through the journey I realized that I was also doing it for Nicole and I was doing it for Diane and I was doing it for my brother-in-law, my sister and everybody else that's in my life and my family, as well as myself. I was doing it for myself because then I could participate in a positive way within that environment, within my family. I could be the father that I needed and wanted to be, I could be the husband I needed and wanted to be, I could be the brother I needed and wanted to be and I could be the individual that I needed to want to be. Because it gave me new purpose in life. So not only walking her down the aisle, it gave me purpose in the fact that I had to recognize that I had a family waiting for me, that I had a family beside me, and that's why I say it's so important.
Speaker 1:My wife will tell you that I was frustrated. I wouldn't ask for help and I'd struggle and I'd try to do something and I wouldn't ask and she couldn't just ask. I don't want to be a burden and I don't want to be a burden. She still, to this day, has to wash my hair for me. She buttons my shirt, she helps me get dressed. So it is, and I'm walking. Don't get me wrong. I walk two to three miles a day and sometimes more Congratulations.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:And you know it is. It is. I would say it was enlightening to really understand that. Yes, I contributed to society like I wanted to when I was a police officer and I was able to give myself from that perspective. But sometimes we have a path that we're supposed to walk that we're not aware of, and sometimes we have a purpose that we're not aware of until the door opens and we may not realize that that door that we think is closed or that window that we think is closed and we just have to push on it or push it open, that what's on the other side might be an amazing, brilliant opportunity for you to take your life in a direction that you never thought possible.
Speaker 1:Doing my podcast right now, doing one more thing before you go, gives me purpose because I have conversations with people all over the world. I have talked to people all over the world. I've had, I have emboldened myself with the fact that as a police officer, I talked to a lot of people, a lot of tourists, a lot of you know I was a good cop. I walked to beat, I parked the car and I would walk in and go walk in the shops and I talked to the shopkeepers and the owners and the store owners and I talked to people. I'd sit on the bench and I'd say, hey, where are you from? How are you doing? What do you think of Colorado? You know this kind of a thing, but I never would have been able to do what I do now as a police officer I was able to reach a wider audience with.
Speaker 1:Again, I want to inspire people to understand that you are worthy, that you are an individual, that you do have a purpose for being here. You may not understand what it is yet, you may think that you've stopped dead in your tracks, but you just need to open your eyes, your heart and your soul and listen and to motivate you to make the choice to move forward in life in such a way that you're not only being positive to yourself but you're being positive to those around you, because you never know whose life you may affect in a way that they walk away with that and it changes their life. So you know it changed my life. Those two pivotal moments changed my life explicitly.
Speaker 2:Clearly and it sounds like you've been able to find your way back, like it really. It radiates out of you how aligned and purposeful your life is today and you seem happy. Can you tell us a little bit about where you're at now and what life is like for you today?
Speaker 1:Well, I'm happy I don't have to work any graveyard shifts anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure that was never fun.
Speaker 1:You know what? Yes, I am happy Now. Yes, I still have a disease that I manage, unfortunately, but that disease is managed through a holistic approach, which also allows me to be active in many arenas. So I'm happy with where my life is at the moment because I'm able to give back, like I just said, in a very positive way, at least from my perspective. I've been able to reach an audience and I'm able to take, each and every week I get to inspire and educate and motivate people and I'm able to have conversations that will open doors for other people as well and say you're not alone in this world. In that, you know, we're all human beings, we're all connected together, we're all, we are all in it for the long run, we all are here for each other and that we should be so.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm at a point in my life where I meditate every day.
Speaker 1:You know, I go out and talk to nature in the mornings and in the evenings I sit up back in the back patio and I talk to the trees. I know a little off right, but we talk to the trees and the birds and the bees and you know, I think the days, that I think the universe, that I'm here and you know I think for what I have over my head. I think for the blue sky and for the sunshine and for the birds that are in the backyard or the bunnies that are in the front yard. You know I walk a path now with purpose. I look forward to coming every week and either doing my podcast or having conversations with people like you that you know I'm able to come on and share my story and hopefully open somebody's heart and eyes, to know that you're not alone and that you know, even if you think, like I said earlier, if you think you're stopped dead in your tracks, you know you can always find new purpose, and so that makes me happy.
Speaker 2:Well, you have a very powerful story and I'm so honored that you came here and shared it with me today and allowed me to take a peek into your life and your journey. I am so impressed by you how you navigated that and how you've chosen to take that journey. To help other people heal who might be on a similar path is what the world needs. I'm humbled and I'm grateful.
Speaker 1:And it's been an honor to come on your show. I really appreciate what you're doing. I think that you have created a nice spot for individuals to be able to use a voice and you sharing other people's voices in such a manner that you're going to make a positive impact on the world. So thank you for allowing me to be on your show.
Speaker 2:Michael, now you've mentioned multiple times that you have a podcast. I know. Before we started this, I mentioned I took a listen to it, which was fantastic. You have over 300 episodes. At this point, if anyone listening wants to tune into your show, what's the best way for them to connect with you? And maybe you could tell us a little bit about what your show is about?
Speaker 1:I can do that. One more thing before we go is what it's called, and it is a unique conversation about life, and we talk about everything from the mundane to the metaphysical. We talk about the pop culture, life, life journeys. We talk about life, and you can find it on any one of your favorite platforms. Listening platforms would be Apple Spotify I'm going to like all of them. Apple Spotify, iheart, you name it. Or you can just go to beforeyougopodcastcom it's all one word beforeyougopodcastcom and on there it will have links to not only the shows, the episodes that are on there, but it will also have links to every platform that I'm on, as well as the YouTube video, because I'm also on YouTube as well, and it'll be everything. One more thing before you go Amazing. Thank you so much, michael.
Speaker 2:Again, this has been a fantastic conversation and I feel so lucky to have met you. I am very grateful for meeting you as well, and thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:If you enjoyed today's episode, please consider liking, subscribing and letting us know your thoughts in the comments below. It truly is a pleasure, so it truly means the world to me to hear from you. New episodes will be available every Saturday, both on YouTube and wherever you get your podcast. And if you would like to learn more about my work as a coach today's guest or have a story that you would like to share on the pivot point, check out the episode description for more information. Now time for the legal stuff. This podcast is presented to you solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I may be a professionally certified coach myself, but hosting a podcast is not coaching. This podcast should not be used in substitution of working with a licensed therapist, doctor, coach or other qualified professionals. Copy that Amazing. See you on the next episode. Nothing but love. Yes.